The narrow path
"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." — Gospel of Thomas
thoughts on authenticity...
Once, when participating in regular, somewhat-enforced group therapy there was a group leader/therapist who frequently insisted to the group that he was being "authentic", that if we felt confronted by him it was because of his authenticity. Clearly seeking respect, what he received instead was comedic pity. Authenticity has that curious property of a description that when applied to oneself magically becomes its opposite. Humility is another such term. To say "I am humble" immediately indicates a profound lack of understanding of the term, and holds the speaker up to ridicule for his arrogance. Likewise insisting "I am authentic" has the listener likely recalling Queen Gertrude's oft-quoted line from Hamlet, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks". Again, it has the opposite effect to that which the speaker is seeking. It creates mistrust. It's a tough world—especially for the humble and the authentic.
And yet, authenticity matters. None of us, I think, would claim to be inauthentic. But words are merely symbols. What does it actually mean to be authentic? Starting with a dictionary definition may help. The Oxford offers us "Of undisputed origin and not a copy; genuine." This of course applies more to inanimate objects, or maybe Italian meals, than to human beings, so reading further we find the term co-opted by existentialist philosophy to mean "relating to or denoting an emotionally appropriate, significant, purposive, and responsible mode of human life." Rather grandiose. In simpler language dictionary.com offers "representing one's true nature or beliefs; true to oneself." So authenticity is being true to self. And how do we do that then, beyond just saying the words about ourselves, or others?
The above quote from the Gospel of Thomas rather beautifully describes the action of being authentic. This idea of bringing forth from within you speaks of courage, faith and a sense of inner seeking. It asks, how do you want to show up in the world, and what will you do? Will you speak your truth, and act accordingly, or will you suppress your true nature, hide your light under a bushel? The first part of this question speaks of faith, the second of fear.
In recent days I was offered two engagements in the corporate world. Both, on initial offer, sounded interesting, describing work I might like to engage in. So I enquired further. Turns out both companies are engaged in online gambling. I balked. That people gamble is a reality, as inevitable perhaps as people taking drugs, drinking to excess or dieting to death. I've never fallen prey to a gambling addiction, but with my history of seeking quick fixes I'm certainly susceptible. I've witnessed gambling to cause a great deal of anguish, and debt is a key factor in many suicides. But beyond personal experience, and humane concern, as a Christian I am also philosophically, or morally opposed—not towards the people caught up in the practice, let me be clear, but towards those who encourage and promote it, thus profiting from other people's losses and pain. I cannot in good conscience endorse such action."Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless." — Ecclesiastes, 5:10
But then again, I'm okay with meaningless. If nothing matters, why should this? There was a moment I paused and thought, well, maybe just this once. Who am I to judge anyway? I'm sure the people who work there are good people; let me focus on the people, not the business. But the pause was short lived. I called forth what is within me and knew that allowing one exception would open the door to a personal moral collapse.
The pause was centered on personal profit. I would be well paid for this work. The awakening came from the realisation that in taking this work I'd be gambling with my salvation—and I'm not speaking of any after-life fantasy, but simply the ability to live at peace within the "Kingdom on earth".
"For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." — Timothy, 6:10
Another similar incident occurred recently. I volunteered to help out in a homeless shelter for newly arrived refugees. When I came to complete the paperwork, I saw the charity was financed by the National Lottery. Again I balked. Ever since it began, I've seen the National Lottery for what it is: a cynical tax on the poor. Rich people don't play the lottery. They don't need to. The poor, the struggling, the desperate, the ones tricked by our consumerist society into believing that possessions equal happiness, they play the lottery. The horrible irony is that many of the charities the National Lottery funds support people who have been brought to their knees by debt, to hunger, homelessness, violence, alcoholism, drug addiction, to jails and mental institutions. Look to the source.
Bringing forth what is in you will inevitably cause the road to narrow. But a narrow road, one with less branches, less decisions, is certainly a simpler road, one easier to follow. Ultimately it is simplicity I desire. The world, and my mind are tangled messes. I don't need to seek complexity, I live with it, in it. What I need is less options. Maybe that's why I'm vegan, and maybe that's why I strike more and more industries off my list as acceptable places to engage.
June News
June was a relatively uneventful month, topped and tailed by workshops in London and a visit to York to attend the Quakers & Business annual gathering, I spent the middle part of June, home with my family. We took a short trip to visit Liverpool but otherwise stayed local, visiting parks and enjoying the warm weather. In between I wrote, planned events for the autumn, and enjoyed the company of local friends.
I finally got around to setting up the next Reimagine Work event, an informal gathering I've hosted twice before in London, but this time is planned for Sheffield. The previous ones each offered fascinating insights and new ideas, bringing together people from a myriad of backgrounds and experiences to explore ways to improve the world of work. Click the link to learn more. It would be lovely to see some of you at the next one, especially if you are local.
Apparently this current heatwave will continue at least for the duration of July, so be English and go for a nap in the midday sun, alongside the mad dogs.
Tobias
June Writing
2nd July 2018, 5.00 am